


In Her Light

by Saskashi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Lemon, Love, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-08-20 05:41:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saskashi/pseuds/Saskashi
Summary: Kakashi had thought he had moved on from his past, but the stresses of his Hokage duties have brought the trauma back to him in the form of nightmares. Sakura has an idea on how to handle it, but Kakashi is hesitant.





	1. Chapter 1

Kakashi could still remember clear as day. Sure, some memories would fade in time, but not the bad ones, not these. Certainly not those memories that haunted him night after night. It was no wonder he was up at this hour.  
It was the 3rd great war. Rin jumped in front of him out of nowhere and impaled herself on his chidori. Her voice whispering ‘Kakashi'. Why Rin? It felt like he had been impaled through the chest just like Rin. His father, Obito, now Rin. What would Obito think of him? He had promised to protect her.  
Kakashi awoke shaking and breathing hard. It was still the middle of the night. He got up and ran to the sink and washed his hands. He would wash and wash and wash but would still see blood. Even after reconciling with Obito and coming to terms with Rin, he could still feel the blood on his hands. He had watched Obito die again, and watched his Sensei die again. The memories of finding his father lying lifeless on the ground still haunted him. 

The war had ended and he was Hokage now, but the nightmares didn’t stop. In fact, the stress of being Hokage seemed to increase them. He only became Hokage because he had been chosen. There was no one else to lead. Naruto wanted to be Hokage; that was his dream. However, he was still young and inexperienced. So Kakashi was chosen. It was an honor to be chosen to lead, and so his face ended up next to Tsunade's. He was good at being Hokage, though not so great at the paperwork part. He had Shikamaru and Shizune, but got the feeling he needed another assistant. Naruto and Sakura also would come in from time to time and help out when they could. Naruto was busy with missions. Sakura mostly stayed in the hospital these days, but was terribly busy there. Sasuke was out of the village for the most part, on an extremely important mission. He would come to the village periodically and report, and all of team seven would be thrilled, especially Naruto. It was great to see the two of them so happy. He desperately craved his own companion.

Sakura was alone too. She still loved Sasuke, but had stopped loving him that way long ago, according to her. The two of them often would get together to have lunch, or she would come to report and end up talking for hours with him. That was nice. Her company was always refreshing.   
This particular morning was a lazy one. He was surprisingly caught up on his paperwork and no emergencies had popped up as of yet. He read his Icha Icha novel and fell asleep at his desk. 

Sakura walked in to see her sensei asleep at his desk and let out a frustrated growl. 

‘That lazy bum!’ 

She was just about to go smack him on the head when she heard him mumbling. 

“No….no…Rin..no Rin. Why Rin?” The words came out almost in a whisper. 

Sakura shook him. “Sensei, it’s just a dream.” 

He woke up startled staring at Sakura with confusion. Who was this beautiful woman with intense green eyes staring down at him? Sakura? How had he not noticed before? 

“Sakura?” he whispered. His voice in pain. He was clearly not fully awake.

“I’m here, Sensei. It was a nightmare.” She responded and put her hand on his arm. 

“Oh…what time is it?” he asked a little more clear headed.

“Just past 5. I came to discuss my project with you. Then I thought maybe we could have dinner with the team? She asked shyly. Her green eyes darted from him and back down to the floor. 

“Oh yes of course. The project for the hospital…for shinobi with emotional trauma, correct?” He asked. He had already looked over her proposition earlier and thought it was a brilliant idea. 

“Yes, Lord Hokage.” She replied. Clearly nervous about the proposition.

‘Ugh back to the formalities.’ 

He pretended to look over what Sakura had brought him. He had already made a decision so there was really no need to make this a long meeting.

“Sakura…” He began.

“Look, I know that treating mental trauma may seem non-conventional to you, but it is something that is becoming more of a problem, especially since the war. People who had problems with trauma prior to the war, found that they problems were only amplified after.” Sakura explained, emotion cracking in her voice. This was subject was close to her heart. She had people struggle with mental health first hand, Naruto and Sasuke both, and the countless other Shinobi that has been in and out of the hospital.

Kakashi noticed she was already going on the defensive; she automatically assumed he would reject it. Kakashi shook his head and smiled gently and reached out to her with just the barest touch of his hand on hers. 

“Sakura…before you even made your very compelling speech I had already decided to approve it.” He said and smiled creasing his eyes.

Sakura blushed but didn’t pull away. She just looked up to meet his eyes.

“Really? So you think it’s a good idea?” She asked.

“Of course. I do have questions on staffing, but I imagine you have that all figured out already.” He said. 

“Yes. Well it will start as a small wing in the hospital, but as word gets out and more and more ninja seek treatment, we may need our own building next to the hospital or an add on but that’s in the future. Ino has already agreed to help me on days when she isn’t running the flour shop and Shizune is also behind me on it. So it will be the three of us to start and we will slowly add more staffing.” She said thoughtfully.

“Sounds like you have it all figured out to me. When will you get started?” He asked.

“Well about that…Hokage Sama.” Sakura said nervously.

“Yes?” 

“I have been talking with a couple of your assistants and it seems there is someone here that may need treatment, should he consent to it.” She explained, fidgeting with the hem of her dress. 

“Oh well that’s good, right?” He asked, as his eyes were drawn to where her fingers were just a few inches above her knees. 

In his head he questioned himself as to why she always wore the black spandex shorts when it would be so nice to see some more of her skin. 

‘Whoa Hatake, that came way out of left field. This is your student.’ He scolded himself.

“Yes, Hokage Sama, from what I have recently observed I believe that he would benefit from treatment.” Sakura said, looking at him from beneath her lashes. 

“What happened to calling me Sensei? Not that you need to bother yourself with fancy titles at all.” Kakashi said dismissively. He thought she was acting very odd.

“Oh well, I figured it would be more professional for me to use your title. You are the Hokage, after all.” Sakura said, her face flushed slightly. 

“You’re acting strange. What’s the problem.” Kakashi said bluntly, may as well get to the point.

“Well, considering what I just walked in on, and this is my first go around witnessing the effects of trauma on your life…” Sakura continued.

Oh no no no. Talking to Ino or Hinata or one of the other girls he didn’t know well about his past and feelings? Hard pass. 

“Hokage Sama?” Sakura questioned. 

“Sakura, I think it’s wonderful that you are so driven to open this clinic and I know what it means to you. It’s a wonderful idea, and I think it would benefit many shinobi…just not me.” He said looking up at her from his paperwork.

“I knew you would say that, but what if you were talking to someone who already knows you well?” Sakura questioned, looking him in the eyes.

“Hmm…are you volunteering for the job?” Kakashi asked, his eyes drifting once again to the edge of her dress. 

“Me? I was thinking Shizune.” Sakura said, eyes widening slightly.

“No. That won’t do.” He said shaking his head.

“Hokage Sama?” Sakura questioned.

“If you want me to be the first patient, then you’ll be the one to take me on, personally.” 

“I will have to think on that.” Sakura replied. 

“Maa Sakura, you do what you need to do. Would it be so terrible?” Kakashi teased.

Sakura continued to fidget with the edge of her dress, but then stood up abruptly to leave.

"Ready for dinner?" Kakashi asked, seeing her sudden discomfort.

"Sure, I gotta make a quick stop at the hospital and I will meet you at Naruto's." She replied with a small smile.

“I look forward to it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura makes her decison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thanks for reading. I hope you are all enjoying the story so far.

The next day seemed to go by slow at the hospital for Sakura. Surprisingly no one was in dire need of healing, and everyone in the hospital was stable. That gave her plenty of time to think over her predicament. Kakashi-Sensei wanted her to take him on personally as the first patient for the clinic. She had not for seen when she made her proposal that he would switch things around on her like that. What was he up to? It was true that she knew him more than the other women who would be working in the clinic with her. Sure, Hinata, Ino, and Shizune were all comrades, but they were not nearly as close to him as she was. The thought made her oddly satisfied that she was one of the few women ever to see his more vulnerable side. She cherished that. Kakashi and her were friends, which was all the more reasons she worried about the situation he had put her in. However, they were both shinobi and Kakashi was even Hogake now. Surely they would be able to keep their professional lives and personal lives separate. Their friendship was too important, however helping him overcome his trauma seemed even more important. Her face grimaced as she remembered her earlier conversation with Shikamaru, who had expressed concern for their Hokage. He had said that he wasn’t himself, that he was exhausted, and he would catch him sleeping on his desk. He had also told Sakura about the times he had caught him having nightmares. Sakura herself had witnessed that just yesterday. Yes, she had made her decision.

Kakashi sighed…he had fallen asleep again on his desk while trying to sort through all this paperwork. The Land of Wind needing some help with some rogue shinobi who were currently terrorizing their citizens, and wanted a couple of shinobi from the Land of Fire. So many shinobi had died that the Land of Wind was shorthanded at the moment. While it was true that the need for shinobi wasn’t as great now that the shinobi lands were united, there was still a world outside of that which included criminals, rogue shinobi and who knows what else. If that was it though, Kakashi would take it. This is the peace they had all fought so hard for. It was beautiful compared to what they had gone through just a few years ago.  
The tranquility of it all made Kakashi wonder why nightmares had begun to plague him again. Even in the depths of the 4th great ninja war, he hadn’t experienced the dreams as frequently. He was trying his best to live a life that his deceased friends and family members would be proud of; maybe that’s why when he was told he would be Hokage he didn’t fight it too much. At first he sulked a bit because he didn’t feel like he was worthy of becoming Hokage, especially without his sharingan. It was an odd feeling to miss something that was never really his, but the truth was that he had it for over half of his life, and it was a part of Obito that he carried with him. When it was taken from him by Madara, it was a bittersweet thing. Part of him felt relieved that he no longer had to have it since it was some what a burden, but also a reminder of Obito's untimely death, which ended up not even being real. Then Obito began to disintegrate right in front of him. He had to watch him die all over again, and the reminder of Obito was gone with it. Even with his sulking, Sakura had been by his side reminding him that he was still worthy to be hokage. After that, Kakashi trained relentlessly and developed purple lightning. With purple lightning he could do everything lightning blade could do and more without draining his chakra. He also still could perform over 1000 Jutsu that he had copied when he had the sharingan. Sakura kept reminding him whenever he would sulk about not having it. In the end it was almost a blessing to not have the sharingan anymore, his chakra pool was larger and now he didn’t need to feel guilty about Obito anymore, except in his nightmares.

After the war there had been so much to take care of. He had been appointed as new hokage, Sasuke had went off in search of redemption and atonement. He figured he would take Sakura with him, but it seemed that Sasuke was taken with someone else, a certain hyperactive ninja with yellow hair. Even though Kakashi was an exceptional shinobi, he did not see that coming. Sure, he knew that Naruto's feelings for Sasuke were more than that of a comrad, but he figured Sasuke would be interested in Sakura as a mate to help restore his clan. Even more surprising was that Sakura seemed alright with the whole situation and was content staying in the village, which worked for Kakashi since he needed her help from time to time. Though it seemed like she would be around more lately. He really had put her in a predicament, but he had no intention of seeing a regular counselor, unless that person was her. He didn’t exactly enjoy opening up so better that it be with someone who knows about some of the skeletons in his closet. A knock on the door shook him from his thoughts.

“Come in." Kakashi said, though he had no idea of his meeting schedule for the day or whether this was someone important or not. If he saw the schedule all the time he wouldn't ever want to see anyone, and he was too distracted to focus on chakra at the moment.

A flash of pink hair peeked through the door and entered quietly. 

“Ahh Sakura. I wasn’t expecting you." 

“I was going to tell you no, but if this is the only way I can get you the help that you need then I will do it. I do have stipulations though.” She said, looking him in the eyes.

“Of course you do.” He said in a bored tone. 

“Well, we have become friends and I would hate to see that friendship go away or change just because I become your therapist.” She said fidgeting with the edge of her red dress like she had done the day before. 

“We're friends?” Kakashi asked, a smile forming underneath his mask. He was teasing her.

Sakura rolled her eyes and replied. “Yes…speaking of which you owe me dinner for last week! It was your turn and you left me with the bill.” 

“Hmm..did I? That doesn’t seem like something I would do…” Kakashi trailed off.

Sakura came up to him and whacked him over the head with some papers. 

“Ow, OK OK. When do you have some time. How about after our first session?” he asked.

“Well our first session is going to be tomorrow and you better not skip out.” She said accusingly.

“You’re grouchy today.” He teased. 

“Well it wouldn’t be the first time you skipped out on me.” She said playing hurt.

“Come on now..you know I wouldn’t miss out on a chance to spend time with my new pretty therapist.” Kakashi said half teasing, though if he were to be truthful he meant it.  
Sakura blushed at the compliment but then corrected herself and started to walk away saying “pervert.”

“Leaving so soon? I can’t exactly show up tomorrow if I don’t know what time to meet you.” Kakashi said with his hand resting under his chin. 

“11am. Meet me at my office. Since I don’t quite have a space dedicated yet.” Sakura said slightly embarrassed.

“It’s fine, Sakura. It’s not like I haven’t been there before.  
I’ll see you then.” He said. 

Sakura smiled at him. “I will see you tomorrow and you better be on time!” 

Kakashi sighed as she exited his office. Sometimes it felt like she was his boss.


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi awoke in the morning with sweat on his face. He had another nightmare. This time was a little different though he saw Team 7’s faces, and then saw them all bleed out and die. Of course he had been deeply disturbed by the dream, but somehow he felt more disturbed by the thought of Sakura dying than the other two, and he briefly wondered why that was. He cared for all of them deeply, as they were his only family left for the most part. The village was his family and his to take care of, but Team 7 that was his real family. Every other family member had been ripped from his life. Obito, Rin, Minato-Sensei, Kushina, his mother..all of them gone much too soon.  
Kakashi shook his head. He still didn’t understand why he needed counseling. He already knew who probably ratted him out for having nightmares. Shikamaru and Shizune, more than likely had told Sakura. Of course, it didn’t help that she had actually caught him having a nightmare, too. He wondered how many times she had caught him like when they were out on missions, before he resolved things with Obito. Of course she would be worried about him.

‘When did I become so vulnerable?’

He began to get ready for the day. It was only 6am, and he had a meeting with the elders at 8am that he did not look forward to. They of course wanted to argue with him about funding a new branch of the hospital, but he was not going to change his mind. He thought that it was something that was needed, and if he had that when he was a child, maybe things would have turned out a little differently for him. However, the past was the past, or so he thought, but it continued to haunt him anyways. Many of the events that happened during the 4th Great Ninja War have been apart of his nightmares lately. Some of the events ended up differently in his nightmares, and it perplexed him. Such as when Sakura was placed in the genjutsu by Sasuke, she never woke up in his dream. That made him feel anxious even in reality. Why?

With a deep sigh and coffee brewing he got into the shower and scrubbed his body quickly. He got out and put on his typical outfit, shirt with vest, mask, pants. He didn’t feel like wearing his hokage robe today, screw the elders. He brushed his hair quickly, put on his mask and left for his office. He was already late, but hey he basically lived right door to the Hokage tower and could flash step himself there anyways. 

The events of the meeting pretty much went as Kakashi suspected. The Elders didn’t like that he was “wasting” resources on “silly” stuff like counseling. He, in less than kind words, told them to go shove it. He walked to the hospital to meet Sakura for his counseling session, but his stomach was grumbling. He walked by Ichirakus and was tempted, but he kept walking anyways. 

“Sens…I mean, Kakashi, you’re a little early. Are you sick?” She asked jokingly.

“I get to talk to my favorite student.” He said teasingly and smirked underneath his mask. 

“Sasuke isn’t here, Kakashi. Come on now this way,” she replied while showing him to her office. 

“Ouch.” Kakashi said and followed her in.

He looked around at the office, realizing he hadn’t been there in a long time, despite the fact that she constantly came to his office. The walls were adorned with photos and a painting that Ino did. There were pictures of her and all the Konoha 11 and various arrangements. Lots of photos with her Tsunade, her and Iruka, and all the other senseis. On her desk was a photo of team 7 and another couple of photos of her and her parents, along with other relatives. He thought it odd that there were no pictures of them together, aside from the team 7 photo of them all when she was just a genin. He felt slightly bothered that he wasn’t there in the photos, but shook his thoughts free. He needed to focus. 

“Have a seat, Kakashi.” She said waving her hand towards the comfy looking couch in the corner, while she sat in her office chair across from him. 

Today she wore a short black skirt and red quipoa shirt, but lower cut, with just a slight amount of cleavage showing. Kakashi swallowed.

‘What the hell is wrong with me?’

“So tell me about the nightmares you’ve been having.” She said directly, getting straight to the point. 

“Hmm…well they are nightmares.” He said in a smug fashion.

Sakura tapped her pen on her clipboard, and gave him a blank look. She wasn’t going to put up with any of it today.

“Mostly it involves everyone I care about dying in some form…but usually during the 4th great Ninja war. I even keep seeing Obito die.” Kakashi stated in a bored way. 

“So you care for a small group of people in the village and the shinobi world?” Sakura probed.

“I care about the village, but my dreams mainly revolve around those close to me.” He said carefully. He didn’t reveal how alone he felt at times, and how alone and isolated he felt. The duties of Hokage had seemed to do that.

“And who are those that you consider close to you?”

“Naruto, Sasuke, Genma, Kurenai, you…and a few others.” He said while looking down to avoid her gaze.

Sakura was furiously writing as he spoke, with her eyebrows furrowed. 

“Do you think that maybe your fear of losing all of us stems from that fact that you have already lost so many other precious people?” Sakura asked looking at him.

“Probably, but I had stopped having the nightmares for a while.” Kakashi answered truthfully. 

“Oh?”

“I just began having the nightmares again a couple of months ago.” He answered.

“Why do you think they started again?” She probed again.

“I honestly don’t know….I was hoping you could tell me, Dr. Haruno.” He went from serious to teasing quickly. 

“I think that you need to reflect on that some more before our next session.” She stated thoughtfully.

“Which will be when?” He asked.

Sakura looked at her schedule and saw that she was pretty well booked out for a while with missions and the other hospital work she had to do. 

“Probably not for another couple of weeks.” She answered truthfully.

“Mah…you shouldn’t be so busy. That’s not good for your health you know.” Kakashi answered teasing her again. Her cheeks reddened slowly as he continued to look at her. 

“Well I can’t help it if the Hokage sends me on so many missions, nor can I help that I am chief of medicine at the hospital, which is also something the Hokage assigned me.” She answered with obvious sarcasm in her voice.

“The Hokage sounds like an ass. Maybe I should talk to him.” He answered back.

“Well he definitely can be…” She muttered under her breath as she turned around to place her clip board on her desk. 

‘She certainly has a fine ass…wait what the fuck is wrong with me?’ Kakashi thought. 

“By the way…how did the meeting with the elders go this morning?” Sakura asked almost afraid of the answer. She knew the elders gave Kakashi an abundance of trouble.

“About as well as expected, but don’t worry.” Kakashi answered softly. 

Sakura raised an eyebrow at him, but changed the subject. “Are you going to team 7 dinner tonight, Kakashi-Sensei?” Sakura asked, completely forgetting to omit the Sensei part. 

“Was that tonight?” He questioned, though he had already marked it on his calendar weeks ago. Everyone on the team was in the village right now, which was a rare occurrence. 

“Yes, at 6. Now go and get some work done.” She answered rolling her eyes at him, while shooing him out of her office.

“OK then. I'll see you tonight.” He answered while walking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo incredibly sorry for not updating for so long. Life has been pretty hectic the past couple of months. Thanks to those of you who are still reading!


End file.
